Life Imitates Art

I’m glad you asked. I had a few of the normal ones that stuck with me such as fears of being utterly alone or losing loved ones but my biggest “irrational” fear was dolls coming to life to kill me. I don’t know precisely how it started. I didn’t see Child’s Play till I was 20 or 21. I did see the commercials for it, however, and had many recurring nightmares with Chucky (and the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for some reason). I think it was just the concept that terrified me. I wasn’t afraid of ghosts or monsters really until I got older. I did have dolls (mostly stuffed animals) that I really liked/loved. But there was at least one… Hmm, how should I explain? I once had this simple cloth soft doll I named Mary after Mary had a Little Lamb (because she looked like a shepherdess I guess) and I loved her. I think she was my first doll. I would fall asleep with her and pretend she was my confidant that could understand any secret language I made up (this only really lasted through age 3-4 but she still has a soft spot in my heart). Then the One That Shall Never Be Named (we shall call her IT) arrived shortly after her. IT was a blond haired blue eyed life like toddler doll in permanent blue pajamas that I think my Aunt and Uncle gave me (I was born with blond hair and blue eyes that better late than never turned green). IT was the model with lifelike hands and feet that were soft but hard plastic. IT would close its eyes when you laid IT down and when you picked IT up its eyes rolled open. Terrifying. Anyway, I preferred Mary so I slept with Mary and Left IT lying on a chair in my room. One night I woke up with a strange feeling. I would sometimes get what I now know to be sleep paralysis but then thought I was just scared to the point that I couldn’t move and could hardly breathe. I saw IT lying on the chair slowly jump (I mean fall) off the chair onto the floor where its eyes began rolling uncontrollably in the back of its head like Godzilla’s in the old cheesy flicks with Ghidorah. I have never been so horrified in all my life. Now, realistically I understand that IT was just probably placed so carelessly on the chair that IT was slowly slipping off, drawn by gravity. But every time I think of it I still see how quickly it seemed to have been on the chair then on its back on the floor staring at me with rolling demonic eyes. No one knew about my fear for a long time because of how I bravely dealt with it. I took it as a warning that I wasn’t spending enough time with IT and that if I didn’t change my ways IT would not only destroy Mary but also murder me in my sleep. I carried IT everywhere I took Mary. I slept with Mary on one side (protecting her from IT) and IT on the other and it was not an easy slumber I tell you. My mom probably remembers an adorable moment when she walked in on my talking to all of my dolls and stuffed animals about how I loved them all equally. What she didn’t realize it that I believed that if I didn’t convince them of this they would take offense and find something sharp to stab/slice me with (also a fear). I even apologized for not always giving some of them enough attention and how I would try to mend my ways, giving them various excuses such as my family taking up some of my time (but trying to downplay it so they didn’t decide to try to kill my parents or visiting grandmother). It was Hell. My parents would leave my closet slightly open with the light on so I had a night light. I watched that crack as if my life depended on it just waiting for the moment I saw a small shadow or heard a thump (which sometimes an animal/doll did fall from a shelf in my closet and I would run into my parents’ room or yell their names over and over giving them the excuse that I desperately need a glass of water or something so that they might protect me if the animal/doll decided to act but they wouldn’t know the truth so they were protected by their blissful ignorance and the animal/doll would have no reason to hurt them. I hated IT most of all. I would purposefully forget IT if I could manage when I visited my grandma but it didn’t always work. I had to make it look like I accidentally forgot IT and was sad for the loss but that sometimes made my parents remember to pack IT so it was a very hard and trying time in my life. I’m pretty sure I stuffed IT in a black plastic garbage bag with a bunch of other unwanted “but loved” toys locked away in a spare closet. Dolls still scare me. The movie Child’s Play was not so bad. But you know that movie Dead Silence. It wasn’t that bad of a horror flick but every time a dummy was suddenly there (moving or still) no matter how cheesy I flinched and felt like screaming until it was gone. Every time I play a horror game or watch a horror movie I laugh and have fun until I see a doll, no matter how unrelated it is to the actual plot, and then I shriek or am almost on the verge of tears. I’ll even shake or hold onto a friend or family member until I’m certain it won’t pop up again. Even in non horror movies I get terrified suddenly by a sudden glimpse of a doll. Toy Story, surprisingly is still enjoyable to me, even Sid’s room. Though in Toy Story 3 (you can ask my mom) I almost had a panic attack every time I saw the walking baby doll with the bottle. I practically climbed up my theater seat the first time I saw him. He reminded me a little too much of IT I guess.

OOOHHhhhhh! So difficult to pin down. I’ll base the answer off of my current mood but it always shifts. :)

Favorite Doors album: All of them but I listen the most to LA Woman (best driving music btw) and Morrison Hotel (esp for Waiting for the Sun, Blue Sunday, Peace Frog, The Spy, and Queen of the Highway). The Doors was my first (and still is #1) my favorite band. I always somehow managed to feel like I could identify with the lyrics even if they weren’t really meant the way they applied to me. I felt this most with LA Woman (esp with songs like The Changeling and Been Down So Long). They bring out that primitive urge inside me that makes me want to belt out the song loudly to everyone around me to show them how I feel and who I am. Morrison Hotel has more of the songs you don’t hear so often but I always find relaxing and moving (even if they make me want to dance in the street protesting all around me). I could easily listen to all the albums and I make mix cds that I switch around when there are specific songs I want to hear from each album but it’s usually a pleasure to hear the album in its entirety because it fits together so well. It reminds you of the time when an album meant something. It was usually more than just a simple unifying theme. It was a story that left you with the feel that your heart and blood was a drumbeat and the lyrics jolted through your soul. You’d buy the album to experience the whole thing (if it was a good album which was true of all The Doors albums to me). I even love Soft Parade though many Doors fans don’t. I think it kept Morrison’s theatrical expression but was an interesting change overall in style and instruments. it was much more blues, jazz, and soul all at once. I really liked that and I love listening to it after a rough day.

Favorite Doors song: My first favorite song was The End and it still is mostly but I find myself craving Yes, the River Knows (relaxes and moves me, makes me want to drink and dance to it as if I was in Greek/Roman mythology like Dionysus or a nymph. Though I never really do. I like it as an adult lullaby too), Hyacinth House (great rhythm and vocal resonance, I can’t help but sing along), End of the Night (it quotes William Blake, enough said), Wishful Sinful (just been in the mood to listen to it and bask in its poetry), Queen of the Highway (because I am or at least want to be), The Spy (there’s a reason Jim Morrison was my first music crush even though I had no illusions of who he was or how he acted, it’s a sweet and romantic song and yet also slightly creepy and unsettling), and I’ll finally stop with You’re Lost Little Girl (because it always seems to apply to my frame of mind in good and bad times alike).

Favorite Doors Lyric: Alright, I will only choose one. It was a difficult choice but here it is: “My eyes have seen you free from disguise, gazing on a city under television skies…Eyes have seen you, let them photograph your soul, memorize your alleys on an endless roll” (My Eyes Have Seen You). I can picture young Morrison writing it while sitting on a rooftop in Venice Beach. I love his lyrics for lines like these. They describe something in a unique way yet they give you a very a strong description esp. if you’ve ever spent any time of your life in LA. Television skies makes me feel electric. It’s most likely describing all the antennas and signals on LA rooftops but it makes you think of them with almost a sinister edge. Again, it seems like it travels a fine line between possibly being stalked or just observed either by a potential lover or a peeping tom with a camera. It just strikes me as genius every time I hear it. I don’t know why. I guess I’m just strange. But lucky for me The Doors wrote a song for that feeling too. :)

Thanks guys. Great questions. It’s a good way to end my day.

Hahaha. That’s hilarious because Nessie is the reason I got into cryptozoology too. My dad and I watched a special on PBS about the Lochness Monster and Big Foot and the like. That’s how I found out what a cryptozoologist was. I was so excited that such a job existed. But then I found out that if I wanted to become one I’d be more likely identifying new species of bugs in a rainforest which sounds exciting but requires more training in biology and science and that’s probably where I went ADHD and never pursued it. It’s still my dream to find Nessie. Marshall (from HIMYM) and I have that in common for sure. :)

Also, I think there is more for us to discover in deep ocean than there is in outer space. Every time I see a picture off the huge fish with wicked teeth and glowing parts I am both fascinated and horrified. I think of the old sea maps and think, “They were right. There be monsters in them waters.”

Oh dear dear dear. It’s 11 at night. How do I not go on forever about this. I’ll try to keep it short. Things that always capture my attention (and usually keeps it):

• Anti-hero-esque characters - Down to earth “people” with realistic jobs and homes trying to do right even if they aren’t very enthusiastic about it.
• Characters that are neither good guys or bad guys - they live more in shades of gray. They might normally be seen as a villain in the plot but then they do something deemed heroic or good or even selfless and vice versa. I feel it makes them more relatable even if they live in a fantasy world.
• Stories that contain supernatural elements in realistic conditions. I guess it can be filed under Urban Fantasy. Though I can enjoy true fantasy with made up realms and worlds and creatures. Its just nice when it’s a quicker read because there doesn’t need to be 10 pages of explanation. Books like this that I enjoy are, of course, the Harry Potter series, the Sookie Stackhouse series (Charlaine Harris - True Blood - trust me, she is much more likable in the books than the show, we’ll see where the show goes), and the Mercy Thompson series (Patricia Briggs).
• I want to like the main character, even if he/she is more of a villain (ie Gormanghast). I love flawed characters but sometimes it seems ridiculous.
• I love pretty much any plot with a mystery spin to it. I enjoy anything from Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, Edgar Allan Poe to pulp noir. I even enjoy some books deemed “Romance” that have strong mystery/suspense themes.
• If it has zombies it’s pretty much a must, esp novels like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
• I want to read something that makes me want to revisit the characters over and over again.
• I also enjoy true crime though I enjoy the creative nonfiction versions the most.
• I love horror/mystery mostly including ghosts, zombies, vampires, werewolves, etc. I’m not the biggest fan of gore unless it fits well into the plot. I love when the “monster” is more likable than the people. Also, there are alot of vampire/werewolf books/films I think fit better in drama than horror. They need a supernatural drama section in stores. Lol.

Things I’m not a big fan of:

• Non fiction unless it’s a biography (Jim Morrison, Steve Prefontaine, Tim Burton, Bruce Campbell, etc) or true crime.
• Plots that are created solely to make you cry. I’ve never read a Nicholas Sparks book. I’m certain that he is excellent at what he does but I’ve experienced enough real life drama. I’m only willing to put up with it in the fiction books that I mentioned above if it’s a small portion related to characters I feel connected to. I’m more likely to tear up reading Harry Potter than I am The Notebook. (Again I’m sure it’s amazing but I’m not emotionally equipped to enjoy it).
• Political (unless it’s humorous like Colbert’s books).
• Extremely complicated plots with about 50 names and titles to memorize and the need for a second book to refer to about creatures, places, families, etc (though there can be exceptions but mostly I don’t have the time or energy).

I’m sure there is more but I’ll let you know if I think of anything worth mentioning. Thank you so much for the question. I love questions that involve interests that I actually enjoy talking about but rarely get the opportunity to do so. (Though I just got a second job with Borders so hopefully I’ll have more chances, so thank you for training me. :) Lol). Always a pleasure.